REFRESHES THE PARTS
Papa Snork is partnered with BGD on the Saturday. As BGD struggled somewhat on Friday Papa Snork decided he would need some backup. Sure enough, play commences and BGD carries on where he left off yesterday. After 4 or 5 holes he begins to get a bit agitated.
At this point, Papa Snork pull out of his golf bag a bottle of San Miguel and a bottle opener.
"Looks like you need a beer Dick" he say. Dick drinks the beer, calms down, and immediately begins to play well! San Miguel definitely refreshed his parts other beers couldn't reach!
BIT PARTS
There is only one thing which can clear the pool area of the PYR Apartments quicker than Jaws making an appearance in the pool.........and that is the sight of Johny boy in his tight fitting blue speedos!!!
Not a pretty sight we can assure you. Not so much Moby Dick as Maybe Dick?
That said, we probably should give him the benefit of the doubt and point out that the water in the pool was indeed freezing cold.
Oh what a night - return from playing La Quinta on Saturday where it pissed down with rain over the last few holes.......not what we signed up for.
As it is Papa Snorks birthday, his wife arranges for Champagne to be sent to the apartment. This is consumed rather hastily whilst watching the end of the famous England v Greece World Cup qualifier where Beckham scores a famous last minute free kick. Cue wild celebrations.
So, new arrival, Papa Snork's birthday, England qualifying for the World Cup, it's a Saturday night.....this all calls for a small celebration! BGD and Johny Boy sensibly call it a day around midnight, but Papa Snork and Gerry carry on until 6:30am until the money runs out. They spend the last couple of hours talking to a Claudia Schiffer look alike (only better looking!) behind the bar who takes pity on them and gives them free alcohol (she was Freddie Ljungbergs ex......and also gives an excuse for a picture, see left).
They get into bed at 6:30am...........only for the alarm to go off at 7:30am so that they can pack, check-out and go and play Monte Mayor at 9:30am. If you are familiar with Monte Mayor, you can imagine the consequences of this particular preparation!
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SCOT LOSES PLOT
AT MONTE MAYOR!
Monte Mayor ('nuff said!) - turn up at Monte Mayor with two of us still drunk. The ominous signs were there.....people selling golf balls on the roadside, the club not having a record of our booking, the mist over the course.......the black cat running across the first tee etc.
Nevertheless, with a sense of foreboding we get to start.......and it is car crash golf. Balls are lost with almost every stroke, and the mood is grim. Things come to a head at about the 5th hole. BGD hits a half decent 3 iron off the tee...only for the ball to start to fade a little and end up going down the side of a mountain.
At this point 6ft 4" and nearly 18 stone of ginger Scotsman explodes in uncontrollable rage. This isn't f****** golf. Call this f****** golf. This is f***** stupid. I am not f****** playing anymore (there should really be more asterisks because of his stutter !!!). He hurls the offending 3 iron with all his might against the rock face at the back of the tee. The 3 iron bounces back onto the tee, BGD walks over to the club lying on the ground, picks it up, and snaps it in two over his knee!!!
Cue horrified silence from his three playing partners. Fortunately a very brave wise crack some 5 minutes later pointing out the good news that he now has less to carry on the flight home lightens the mood and finally everyone falls about in hysterics.
It should also be pointed out that BGD's mood was hardly helped by his partner who kept on opining that the course was actually not too bad and he would love to come back again.
A truly legendary moment, deserving of two pieces of artwork (see below).
EXCLUSIVE
New Arrival
On Friday after playing at Rio Real, Gerry is informed that baby Sophie has been born. See
"Hall of Fame" for full details. Celebratory drinks all round.
Gerry achieves instant legend status amongst all males.
Celeb Spot
- Cilla Black strolling by the harbour
- Dale Winton strolling with Cilla
- Roy Evans (ex-Liverpool Manager) eating dinner by the harbour
Oct 2001
Weather:
Only thing that matters is that it RAINED on Saturday whilst playing La Quinta!
FROM DUSK 'TIL DAWN
Piston Broke?
At Long Last
Finally we are off, the first golf trip takes place with Papa Snork, Gerry, Johny Boy and Big Ginger Dick (BGD). Like kids in a candy store probably best describes our state of mind.
We are all blown away by Puerto Banus: the weather, the wealth, the yachts, the cars, the celebs, and the nightlife.
That said, we were brought back to reality every morning when trying to find the bloody golf courses!!
The Fly
Gerry finds himself having a nightmare involving a giant fly sleeping in his room. As it happens it's not a nightmare but REAL......turns out Johny Boy wears eye patches at night to help him sleep!!