CHEATS NEVER PROSPER
Routine after a round of golf is to sit on the balcony with muchos beer, salami and crisps and play cards with Gerry's porn cards. The obvious problem that this causes is that regardless of the status of the game, there are certain cards which you don't want to let go i.e the Queen of Hearts (you will just have to use your imagination here!)
Games were always won by Johny Boy. Even when the other three connived to cheat against him, he still somehow managed to win!
Lost Again - It is the Sunday, everyone is tired. BGD is driving and we are looking for the turn-off to La Cala. The turning is clearly not visible to the naked eye. Time is beginning to run out, even though we have left well over an hour in which to find it so we can have breakfast beforehand.
After going round another silly roundabout in the direction of nowhere, BGD loses it again. Cue general tensions throughout the car. Finally, fortune smiles and we see the turning. We screech into the car park with literally 2 minutes to spare and run to the first tee. Not exactly ideal preparation.
Cue four horrendous tee shots, but things eventually calm down........except for BGD. The very slopey course, the heat, the journey there all finally take their toll and we have another explosion after an iron shot is duffed 10 yards into a valley. The cure is to take time out, sit in the buggy for 2 holes, and then have his partner (Papa Snork) hole a 12ft putt on the 18th to win the match.
Online Snork
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ADRENALINE IS BROWN!!
It is the first tee of the first day. Location is Santa Maria, an easy first shot but with a small lake to clear.
A very large crowd has gathered on the balcony overlooking the first tee.
Gerry goes first - decent shot in play
Dick goes second - decent shot in play
John goes third - hits a fantastic shot, crowd behind erupts in applause
Papa Snork goes last - and simply crumbles under the pressure of following the previous shot. Legs do literally turn to jelly, and he barely manages to swing the club......the net result being an horrific hook left of the lake and a lost ball.
See below right for the special trophy commissioned in memory of this moment.
EXCLUSIVE
ROAD TO NOWHERE
Weather:
Whether it's hot, or whether it's cold, we're going to have weather, whether or not!
Sep 2002
Celeb Spot
- Simon Jordan (Chairman of Crystal Palace) on the same flight out.
- Ray Clemence. Spent the Sunday after golf in the La Cala clubhouse watching the end of the Ryder Cup with Ray Clemence sat at the table behind us.
Forget Me Not
Because Papa Snork forgot his sunglasses the previous year, his now legendary list was born. Issued just prior to departure it now includes all those easily overlooked essentials i.e. money, passport, sunglasses, golf clubs!!
W*****
Trip finished on a sour note as the taxi driver booked to collect us from Gatwick didn't bother to turn up. Not what you need late on a Sunday evening!