WOULD YOU LIKE SOME SAUCES?
So there we all are, eating our doner kebab and chips in Puerto Banus (if you've been there, you will know exactly where we were standing) in the early hours of the morning....and probably a little worse for wear.
Bunny decides he fancies one of John's chips, but would prefer they had ketchup on.....so he proceeds to squirt some on the chips. Cue psychopathic reaction from John!!!!! The most laid back person any of us have every met erupts in fury and literally throws the offending ketchup back at Bunny. Definitely a moment from the Twilight Zone.......to this day no-one can explain this overreaction. From this moment on John was nicknamed "Heinz" for the rest of the trip.
FOUR GOLFERS NEARLY DIE IN CAR CRASH
They should be dead! - pulling out onto the main Cost del Sol highway is a nightmare. Finally losing patience Papa Snork pulled out in front of an extremely large lorry. However, forgetting that he was in a Fiat Doblo, this proved to be extremely foolhardy. The lorry had to lock it's brakes to avoid killing everyone. WHOOPS!
The lorry driver did make a point of getting past and letting his feelings be known!!!!
David - aka Dougie (see elsewhere)
Gerry - aka Thelma (for driving a golf cart with a deathwish)
Gary - aka Sunny (looking up at the sun and saying "Phew, isn't the sun hot")
Andy - aka Austin (Austin Powers look alike and act alike)
John - aka Heinz (see elsewhere)
Tony - aka Swiss (as in the Fast Show "Swiss Tony")
John - aka Mick (for putting his lips out like Mick Jagger when addressing a golf ball!!)
Online Snork
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MY OTHER CAR'S A FIAT DOBLO
Have You Seen the Window Lickers?
The trip apparently got off to an hilarious start at Papa Snork's expense. He had the misfortune to collect one of the cars from the hire company and drive it back to the airport to collect everybody. Unfortunately for him, the car was a Fiat Doblo (see below), which he was driving hunched over the wheel in an attempt to find the well disguised entrance to the car park. The spastic appearance seemed to amuse everyone considerably!
Throughout the remainder of the trip there were a number of overtaking manoeuvres, with those in the overtaking car making immature spastic motions and licking the windows. Puerile!
EXCLUSIVE
Dambuster
It is decreed by the majority that the organiser has to hit the honorary first shot on the tour. This happened to be at Santa Maria. It is a fairly simple tee-shot, but there is a large lake extending about 100ft from the tee to the front of the fairway.
Papa Snork, feeling the pressure slightly, what with everyone watching and memories of last year popping up, addresses the ball knowing an easy swing with a 3 wood is called for. The swing is easy, but the strike is a somewhat toppy. However, to the amazement of all watching, after 3 mighty bounces on the lake the ball comes to rest on the fairway. Easy game!
Also, hence the nickname Dougie i.e bouncing bomb, dambusters, Douglas Bader!
Celeb Spot
- Sam Torrance in the coffee shop at the airport on the way out.
- David Graveney on the flight out.
- Dave Beasant in Puerto Banus.
- Teddy Sherringham in a bar, and on return flight. Johny Boy even obtained his autograph in baggage collection.
- Camilla Parker Bowles (in Puerto Banus allegedly) - to his immediate regret Papa Snork observed out loud how attractive a certain mature woman looked from behind......only for the front to resemble Camilla. Cue mass piss take.
Can't win them all
Swiss Tony may have won the Sophie Trophy, but unfortunately his luck ran out upon his return to the UK when his clubs failed to arrive.
TOO MUCH TOO BLOODY OLD!
Oct 2003
Just another average Saturday night in Puerto Banus. The night kicks off early in a bar as England do the necessary against Turkey to qualify for Euro 2004....fantastic rendition of Three Lions at full-time. Dave Beasant and Terry Sherringham pop their heads in. By 9pm everyone is quite literally shitfaced.
Cue loads more beer, so much so that Andy and Gerry decide to indulge in some pole dancing at one of the bars.....so drunk they actually thought they looked good!!
The rest of us meanwhile burst into a chorus of the muppets "me na me na" at some poor child beggar, who it sounds to us as if he is saying "me na me na".....but in reality he was probably after some cash.
Weather:
Thursday - Hot
Friday - Hungover
Saturday - Hungover
Sunday - Hungover
WANTED
Have you seen these men?
Souvenir of the night is a caricature of everyone drawn in the early hours of the morning (see right). It looked good at the time, only in the morning did we realise everyone looked the same! Cost was a mere 40 Euros, although we found out later that Bunny had negotiated down to 30 Euros but we gave a 10 Euro tip!
Net result of the "session" was seven very sorry looking individuals standing on the first tee at Mijas (Los Olivos) on Sunday morning....and whoever it was who hit first sliced his ball straight into the grounds of the hotel on the right. It didn't get much better either!
