Happy Birthday?
On the Friday at Santa Maria Papa Snork wondered off to sort out the tee times. He returns to find that someone has inadvertently placed their 2-ball putter in his golf bag. On querying this, cue hysterical laughter from everyone as he is informed that the putter is indeed his...a birthday present from Gerry and Johny Boy.
However, the sting in the tail is that putting WAS one of the few aspects of golf which Papa Snork was proficient at. Not anymore!.....he couldn't putt for shit all holiday and has long since given up on the 2-ball.
To this day it is alleged he still harbors doubts as to the sincerity of the present!
Mind Your Heads
As one enters the Los Flamingos Golf resort (which is quite a posh setup) you are required to park in the underground car park. The first car in the party waited for the barrier to rise, collected their ticket and drove in. Our lunatic of a driver, no names Bunny, decided to nip in before the barrier came down.
SMACK! down comes the barrier on top of the hire car, to the bemusement of the watching security guard. Fortunately, he is more than familiar with morons visiting from England and lets us off with no more than a stern look.
A very long hot round as Los Flamingos made even worse by:-
- some twats accusing the four-ball behind us of slow play when there was absolutely nowhere to go. Andy was ready for action!
- some dickhead coming up to Papa Snork "3 holes" later, after having driven a mile in his buggy, to say he now believed Papa Snork had played his ball after all and could he have it back......CHEAPSKATE!
- 2 guys in a four-ball letting us play through whilst their partners had gone to get sandwiches, who then suddenly reappeared from the canteen midway through our shots and started arguing amongst themselves about having let us through.
All the above, plus playing crap, plus the greens having just been hollow tined made for a very very long round of golf........on what is probably a very nice course.
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WHAT YOU LOOKING AT!
Time for a change! - as per the photograph below, by only the second day Papa Snork was completely unaware of what to do when facing a golf ball with a golf club in his hand. It took him four strokes to clear a ditch which was only 20 yards in front of the tee. Considering his fellow travellers had chopped his handicap to 12, this was not particularly impressive!
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EXCLUSIVE
Drinks Anyone?
The new boy on the trip, George, introduced everyone to a lovely new expression. Whilst everyone was familiar with phrases such as getting pissed, going on the lash, having a few jars etc George took everyone slightly by surprise by suggesting going and getting "c***ted", .........lovely!
Rubber Glove Time
New boy George again astounds everyone with his revelation that he had brought through Spanish customs some "special" tobacco for his rizlas. Cue numerous ashen faces as the possibility of all having had rubber gloves up their bottoms dawns on everyone.
LOST AND FOUND
Hit the Showers
Sadly the late Sunday tee time proves to be too late as the golf at Rio Real is painfully slow and The Snorks have to abandon the course after just 16 holes.......in order to sit at the airport for 2 hours!
In mitigation, the late tee time was deliberate......a result of the chaos of the previous year in actually getting to the tee at all!
"LOS MARBLES" NOT "LOS FLAMINGOS"
Sep 2004
Rumour has it that this was the very moment when Papa Snork decided that next years holiday would be based somewhere where the nightlife did not go on until 6:00am in the morning!
Sadly for him things at Los Flamingos never improved, and he ended up scoring a sad 23 points.
Have you lost your spastic?
Whilst on tour everyone took pity on a poor retarded spastic who started following us around.
However, guilt soon set in and it was deemed best to return him to his rightful owner. Therefore, if you recognise the spastic in the photo on the right (we have nicknamed him Gerry) please send an email to Papa Snork at: administrator@thesnorks.co.uk
Weather:
Thursday - Hot
Friday - Even Hotter
Saturday - Too Hot 4 golf
Sunday - Take me home
George's preferred beverage!
