MEAT IS MURDER
The tour was noticeable for the enormous quantities of meat everyone seemed to be consuming. Every lunchtime was a steak sandwich, Thursday night in Alvor was T-Bone steaks and Saturday night in Praia del Rocha was also T-Bone steaks.
Clearly the fish restaurant on Friday evening in Lagos was an aberration.
DON'T MENTION THE SCORE
It was at about the 15th at Penina when Gerry leant over to his playing partner, Gary, and pointed out that he was on track for one hell of a score (Gary was only some 3 over at this point!).
"Don't mention the score" fumed Gary...........but it was too late! Gary promptly collapsed and dropped 4 shots over the remaining 3 holes....shame!!
Gay Gerrry and Gay Gary decide to leave Praia del Rocha early on Saturday evening, circa 2:00am, in order to get some sleep before the big match on Sunday. When their opponents, Papa Snork being one half of, finally get in some time later they decide to call Gary & Gerry's room.......so as to enquire as to whether any nerves are setting in. This is what takes place in Gerry and Gary's room
RING RING RING RING
Gary - what the f*** is that?
Gerry - f*** knows!
Gary - it's your f****** mobile phone
Gerry fumbles for his mobile phone, can't find it so has to get up and switch on the lights
Gerry picks up mobile but ringing stops (Hotel phone had gone to voicemail so we put the phone down.)
Undeterred, we ring the room again:
RING RING RING RING
Gary - for f**** sake, answer the f***** phone
Gerry answers mobile, only to realise there is no-one there.....quizzical looks!
Finally, Gary realises it's the hotel phone. He picks it up...."ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT TOMORROW? we enquire.
CLICK!
True pro's as they are, the boys only let on about the chaos that had been caused after they have given their opponents a good pasting.
A great night was had by all on Saturday in Praia del Rocha. After the T-Bone steaks, and a spell in a club for pre-pubescent Portuguese girls and testosterone filled teenage future waiters, we found ourselves in the archetypal Irish Bar.
Musical entertainment was provided by one man and his guitar (which was fantastic), and comedy entertainment was provided by the same individual and us as his "props"......all thanks to Gerry shouting out "bring on the comedian". Cheers mate!
Online Snork
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HELLO, MY NAME IS TONY......AND I AM A "CANADIAN"
2005 will probably be forever remembered as the year Tony joined us. This is probably a one-off as Tony only attended due to delays in sorting out his green card. Having left it until the absolute last minute to decide to go i.e the day before, the frantic search for a flight began. Tony and Papa Snork literally spent all day sorting (instead of working) and finally a good deal was found with TAP Airlines.....which as it turned out was indeed too good to be true, Tony having given them the incorrect return date....by a month!
As well as spreading joy with his larger than life personality and infectious enthusiasm, Tony managed to distinguish himself by smiling through 54 holes of slightly erratic golf. Glad you could come mate, and we all thoroughly enjoyed having you around. Best of luck in the US.
EXCLUSIVE
GARY IS A MORON!
Well, seven out of eight of us managed to turn up 2 hours before check-in. When called on his mobile by those at Gatwick, Gary said he was on his way....but he omitted to mention he had only just left home. The end result was that Gary arrived to a chorus of jeers from everyone, whilst the BA check-in supervisor astutely observed "there's always one moron"........ and we ended up seated all over the plane.
Snorky Knows
For once everyone took heed of Papa Snork's warning to take handicap certificates, because at Penina we were finally asked to show them. TOLD YOU SO!
GOT YOUR NUMBER!
Gay Gary & Gay Gerry Rudely Interrupted
If the cap fits
For some strange reason, Bob the Knob bought every hat he saw in Alvor! He then proceeded to do everything possible at the airport on the way home to "lose" them! Luckily a few eagle eyed buddies were always on hand to recover the "lost" items. No need to thank us Bob!
Dumb & Dumber
As tradition dictates, Papa Snork duly kicked-off the tour on the first hole at Morgado, and promptly hit a 5 iron out of bounds. This poor start was exacerbated by the fact that there were no yardage markers, which everyone found extremely irritating and problematic.
Luckily Bob the Knob, at the 5th hole, noticed that the out of bounds posts were remarkably symmetrical..........
always 3 white posts with 1, 2 and then 3 red rings............which of course were the yardages!!!
Weather:
Thursday - Hot
Friday - Very Hot
Saturday - Hot Verdonger
Sunday - Scorchio!
BRING ON THE COMEDIAN
HALF-MAN, HALF-ZANUSSI
Sep 2005
It was only when Gerry had completed half a width of butterfly in the swimming pool in Penina, and he had lost all feeling in his arms, that he remembered it is the largest swimming pool in the Algarve. The width alone is close to 30 metres.
Because all The Snorks were looking on with interest, Gerry knew he daren't give-up but his strokes became somewhat frantic.
As he grew more fatigued, the strokes became even more frantic and all The Snorks could see were thrashing limbs in a swirl of water. This prompted some wag to shout out "quick, throw in your dirty laundry".