DON'T CRAMP MY STYLE
The now annual butterfly challenge was this year gamely taken up by Andy. Not so much half-man half-Zanussi...just half-man!
After surprising everyone, particularly himself, by reaching the other side, Andy got out and turned to milk the appreciation......especially from the lovely ladies poolside. However, the curse of time has now caught up with Andy and he too suffered "middle age man disaster" as his calf muscle shot into cramp and dropped him to the ground in agony. His faithful chum Bunny applied the famous football cure holding his leg in the air as he lay by the pool like a beached whale whilst every one else fell about laughing..
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Papa Snork miraculously survived a dastardly attempt on his life on the 12th hole at The Old Course. As he stood watching from the "other side of the fairway", a part of the course traditionally recognised as a safe haven from erratic golfers, the silent assassin known as Marcus thrashed a 9 iron as though he was tossing a caber and the ball set off like a missile. It struck a nearby tree, did a Rick O'Shea and set it's sights on Papa Snork! Whilst looking upwards to spot the ball it sneaks under Papa Snork's radar and smacks him straight in his gladiatorial midriff (see picture below for proof of contact....not gladiatorial mid-riff!). In true Drogba style Papa Snork collapses to the ground, winded, dazed and confused.
Friends Reunited
New entry in the Guinness Book of World Records for world's longest greeting as given to George by an old work colleague at Gatwick airport:
"Georgie, Georgie, Georgie, Georgie, Georgie...pause... Georgie, Georgie, Georgie, Georgie, Georgie, Georgie, Georgie...pause... Georgie, Georgie, Georgie, Georgie, GEORGE, how are you?"
Please do not disturb......
Rumours abound that all is not well in the room shared by Marcus & Marlon after Marlon admits to shouting in a snoring George's ear "shut your f****** snoring you f****** Greek c***!" Respect George....a proper Snork.
They think it's all over....and it was!
Bunny gathers all the Arsenal supporters in Figo's bar in time for the 5:15pm kick-off against Watford. Pity the match kicked off at 3:15pm!!!
TRACTOR FACTOR
Oct 2006
Celeb Spot
- Johnny Boy aka Banzai's Mr Shakey Hand Man and legendary Snork spotted at the marina in Vilamoura.
- Unconfirmed sighting of Ronan Rafferty at Gatwick airport on the morning of departure. Only seen by Gerry!
EXCLUSIVE
PAPA SNORK ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT
Et tu Marcus?
Feigning concern, Marcus and the others rush to Papa Snork's assistance (Marcus's true concern of course being to check his lie) . Naively believing that there is genuine concern for his well being, Papa Snork is quickly brought back down to earth by the first words uttered by George as he arrives on the scene laughing....."quick, grab the camera and get a photo!"
Shat Nav
One of the great things about Vilamoura is that it is only 20 mins from Faro Airport........but it takes our special navigation skills to take nearly an hour!
Guilty Pleasures
- Harper Valley PTA listed in Gerry's Favourites on his iPod
- Marlon's self-confessed favourite song of all time - "something by Nick Kershaw....not sure how it goes" !!
Weather:
Thursday - korma
Friday - madras
Saturday - vindaloo
Sunday - phal
A daunting 490 yard, stroke index 1, par 5 faced the Snorks at the Victoria Golf Course. With their comical hats and carefree attitudes Marlon and Gerry set about showing the locals how to tame the beast! Marlon struck a drive that took a sharp hand-brake turn left and whistled over the head of a local greenkeeper who was busy watering the grounds with his tractor (see picture above). Shouts of sorry Pedro ensued and much girly giggling on the tee followed! Gerry, Marlon's partner in crime, explains to Marlon what he had done wrong and why the ball went left. He then promptly hits an even worse drive that smashes into the tractor and has local boy Pedro diving to the ground. Mirth turns to embarrassment as both are forced to apologise but Pedro smiles and even gives Gerry a high five. Marlon's ball is found in the gravel but Gerry's ball looks lost. However, cunning Gerry clearly understood the trampoline effect of the tractor and his ball is found a further 30 yards away in the middle of the fairway!! To cap it all off he even goes on to par the hole......funny old game!
BUSH TUCKER GERMAN
Herr Marlon surprises the Snorks with his passion for wildlife (nudge nudge wink wink) and spots Portugal's largest snake on the fairway (which in itself is strange because he was rarely on the short grass). He then proceeds to chase this monster in his buggy and dive to the ground to get an eye level photograph. On the same course he later finds a tortoise and sets about rescuing it and taking it to safety. Not sure the tortoise actually enjoyed being driven around the course in a golf cart and no doubt it is probably still trying to make its way back........
WHIPPED UP INTO A FRENZY
The Snorks were threatened with a "quiet" night on Saturday upon realisation that the whip had gone missing. Whilst bad news for the Snorks the owner of Figo's bar could sense an impending financial disaster as each Snork had consumed his own bodyweight in beer thanks to Bunny's crap football timekeeping (see separate article) Marcus, unbeknown to the group, was in fact Gary's personal butler/chauffeur and had taken Gary and, more importantly, a fistful of Snork Euros to the airport (a bit like a Scottish Kato from the Pink Panther really)
Following intense texting, mobile messages and prayer McKato returns with the whip and another round is ordered to celebrate!
Bottoms Up! Or as we Snorks like to say..."show us yer bum"