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Oct 2007
EXCLUSIVE
As he stood on the 10th tee on Sunday George had one hand and 4 fingers wrapped around the Sophie Trophy. It was his to lose, but could he snatch defeat from the jaws of victory? Alas yes! As the enormity of the situation dawned on George, so his golf game got an early flight back home. Breathing down his neck was the lightweight, illness feigning, lagerless lout called Gerry.
As they approached the 18th George had allowed Gerry to get back to within one shot. Both players, under enormous pressure, hit their drives straight down the fairway. Both players then left their approach shots just yards short of the green. As the now finished four-ball ahead gathered to watch the most exciting Sophie Trophy finish ever, Gerry calmly chipped safely on to the green to setup an easy two putt. With his handicap giving him an extra shot, all George needed to do was follow suit....but alas NO! A horrible chip that went almost 90° left rolled into a bunker that wasn't supposedly even in play. The stunned crowd watched on in hushed silence as George proceeded to have an Adolf (see Snorkisms), finished off and sportingly congratulated an almost embarrassed Gerry (I say almost!). A sad ending indeed.
My future's so dim....
Andy - "Have you seen my sunglasses?"
David - "Yes!"
Andy - "Where?"
David - "On your head...?*&!%!"
Don't Call Me Baby!
Gary was in such a tizz about not missing "THE" call from his heavily pregnant missus...that he completely forgot to bring his phone out with him on Friday night!
Snorks Quiz:
Which one of the following best describes the standard of golf this year?:
a) Shit
b) Shit
c) Shit
Answers on a piece of used toilet paper to..........
Weather:
Thursday - sweaty
Friday - sweaty palms
Saturday - sweaty Davinas
Sunday - sweaty Betty
Celeb Spot
- Alan McInally (Sky Sports) eating at a restaurant in the marina.
- Lee Bowyer on the flight home.
The Snor(k) That Broke The Camel's Back
Imagine Papa Snork's surprise as he goes to the bathroom at 5:00am on Friday morning to offload some San Miguel, only to find the bathroom door blocked by his room-mate, Andy. Slightly embarrassed at finding Andy "in flagrante", Papa Snork begins to retreat back to bed. "Are you desperate?" pipes up a voice from the bathroom."Actually, yes" replies Papa Snork, who then cautiously approaches the bathroom!
Picture the scene if you will, as Papa Snork is greeted by the somewhat surreal sight of Andy and his mattress and bedding on the floor of the bathroom. Spotting Papa Snork's confused expression, Andy explains - "I couldn't get to sleep because of your f****** snoring, and this is the only way I could get away from the noise". Cue much merriment...although mostly from Papa Snork it should be said. So, feeling slightly put out by this slur, Papa Snork quietly relieves himself over Andy's mattress before getting back into bed and "chopping down some more trees!"
And for the record, Andy shared with Bunny and George for the remainder of the trip!
It has also been suggested that any newbie has to spend at least one night sharing with Papa Snork as a form of initiation!
Special thanks to Alvin Stardust for headlining the "Snorks 2007 Send-off Party" - see below.
The Early Snork Gets the Plasma
After watching England beat Estonia in the bar opposite the hotel, we all moved swiftly along to Figo's Bar to ensure we had prime seats for the rugby World Cup Semi-final; England v France.
We duly patted ourselves on the back as we settled down in front of a large 42" plasma screen at 5ish in anticipation of the 8pm kick-off. As it transpired, rugby is not a huge draw in Portugal and everyone else turned up at 7:55pm...doh!
Never mind, the extra
drinking time stood
us in good stead for
the match!!
Georgie Georgie Flying High
Duffed a Chip and Made Them Cry
Culture Vultures:
As usual The Snorks wholeheartedly embraced the local cuisine:-
Saturday lunch
- cheeseburger
Saturday dinner
- cheeseburger
Sunday lunch
- cheeseburger
No danger of overtraining here!
Notable Losses This Trip:
- BA losing all the golf clubs on the flight back
- Papa Snork losing his camera
- Papa Snork, Gary and Gerry losing the contents of their stomachs to a virus
- Everyone losing at tennis to the undefeated pairing of Papa Snork & Andy
- The Irish lads on our floor of the hotel losing a fight with some mosquitos
- Us all losing about 50 Euros as we overfilled the mini-bus with petrol on the way back
Observation of the Week:
As yet another Irish golfer opined to Papa Snork about how busy the courses were, it did occur to Papa Snork that probably the quietest place to play golf in Sep/Oct is in fact...Ireland, as all the Irish seem to be in either Spain or Portugal during these months!!
